Im a sucker for guilt

My family and I had a ceremony in grandpa's graveyard yesterday and any stuffs I wasn't allowed to get involved in are not applicable to me already.

I can attend my friends' bday celebration later, but urm...don't feel like going coz well, the not-allowed thingy is just over and I feel bad for going to the party.
Moreover, my grandma already prepare for dinner, and...
Apparently mum is going out later, not that I don't like or anything...
Just that, I'm feeling guilty to leave grandma at home, not that she's gonna be alone at home, but...
And on the other hand, I won't say no to going out and have fun with friends..
I have a plan of going shopping with friend some day this week, and also planning to have a night out with friends on christmas eve.
I think I won't feel guilty if I only go out at night, after my grandma goes to sleep, you know...
It's weird to tell my bff bout my guilt trip, coz I don't make sense, do I?

Sigh~
I really don't know...
After my grandpa passed away, grandma is feeling lonely, coz when he was around, even nobody at home, grandma still got grandpa...
But now, even my uncle has cut down his usual outings...I mean he used to go out a lot when grandpa was still around...
He told me that now he can't...

What would happen when I start to work?
The chances of me working late is pretty high...

And there's one thing bugging my mind besides guiltness
One that I don't know if it's safe to say here...
Sigh~ I'll just have to say it to my bff.....