This is the real beginning of my life

I thought dealing with loss of someone I love is already a headache to me,
But, problems keep surfacing,
Or I should rather say to myself,
"You have avoid the reality long enough,
This is the real challenges in your life",

It's superbly tough and a heavy burden to everyone, including me,
I know that if all of us can overcome each problem one by one,
All of us will be very proud,
Grandpa will rest in peace,
Grandma will stay healthy and live longer,

It's definitely not easy,
I have a lot of things to control, to amend, and to improve,
In order to contribute and help out,
I don't know if I can achieve it,
I don't know if all of us can stay strong,

The most important thing is my great worry over my grandma,
The more she worries, the lower her health level will be,
And the more stress I will be having,
I really don't know,
I feel lost at the moment,
Lost in the sea,
Don't know which direction to go,

I need guidance,
I need someone to hold my hand,
And walk every step with me,

I really don't know....
All I know,
I miss Him a lot....